Landings and Leaving (& Loneliness)

This post is a big one, I'm going to talk about 3 major things:

1. Landings: my first official landing practice, touch and gos, and unassisted landings!

2. Leaving my family to start school in San Diego...

3. Loneliness, doubt (and other feelings associated with major life changes YEEHAW)

Let's start with (I'm hoping) my daily routine. I generally hit the gym in the morning on days I don't work, and after I drop my sister off at her school for the day. She's doing early college, so she's going to a community college nearby our house about 15 mins away where I used to go. I go to the gym anywhere from 40-60 mins, lately the sessions have been too long and I fear I'm sacrificing form and intensity for time. I need to get my workouts shorter but more intensity, shorter and sweatier! But more on that later. Here's some pics of me modeling my sweaty self in the locker room:

Now, onto the meat of this post, MY FIRST LANDING PRACTICE: It’s a good thing we’re not shy. It’s a great thing we’re not scared of adrenaline, and it’s a blessed thing we’re quick to react. Because we need all the help we can get, on this fine and lovely evening, “Abbie’s first Landing Practice.” I’m talking about my CFI and me, his nerves of steel, my grip of steel. Hahaheheha, but no really, hold the yoke loosely and the plane will react better! I learned that pretty rapidly the first lesson, and through tips pilots have given me before my first flight! 😉

So, I have been not the best at journaling about my flying, I already have about 7 hours. BUT I have not soloed yet, and I haven’t done any actual landing practice! I still have all my fun nighttime hours and cross country etc to talk about too once I do then, I’m still a low-time pilot and loving it! But, I will say I got airsick on a couple lesson, but it’s been getting better again too. I noticed all the stall practice we did in my 4-6 lesson sessions has me woozy, but I’m thinking this next lesson I’ll do better.

1 FULL HOUR OF LANDING PRACTICE BABY.

I was supposed to have my hour of landing practice this past Monday, April 23rd 2018. But due to the warm front we had some crazy high winds. Same happened Tuesday! So we are flying Thursday night, and even though I should be totally ready now considering I even had 3 extra days to prepare, I’m realizing I don’t think you’re ever ready for your first couple landings. I actually have landed already, technically my last flight on Sat the 21st. My CFI lunges towards the radios to quiet the squelch, I did exactly what he said NOT to do, & pulled up the flaps all in one go, and my biceps strained on the yoke because I was trying to hold it back with no trim (I didn’t want to distract myself by trimming, because there’s 2 other controls you need to pay close attention to while Landing: Carb Heat and Throttle/Power! (plus the flaps of course too!) So all these controls must be watched and ...controlled, as well a be keeping an eye on the airspeed at all times to make sure you don’t stall yourself while attempting to land!

So I was bummed we couldn’t fly Monday (in all honesty, I had prayed and also hyped myself up, and then no lesson haha!) but the extra couple days were great!

More big news, I only have about 6.5 hours but my CFI has given me my pre-solo exam. This is the exam every student pilot must take before you get to fly solo. The exam is open book, and I was emailed it and have been working on it for about 5 days now. It’s easy, and my CFI Steve even said I could ask him if I have any tougher questions I have regarding it. As for actually soloing, you need to have your medical, student pilot license, government id, and endorsement from your CFI before flying solo. Also, preferably, have some Landing practice. 😏😜

An endorsement is just a piece of paper (written or typed, doesn’t have to be fancy) from your CFI. You will need an endorsement to take your written too. I have already taken my written for private pilot and I got my endorsement from Steve before taking it, he just used a simple typed paper he printed off google docs.

I do hope I do well tonight, because if it’s terrible that’s literally more $$$ and time on my part until I become a pilot.

But while yes, flying is expensive.

Yes, not grasping certain things is frustrating.

Yes, getting airsick is the actual worst.

Yes, I’m paying 3x what I pay to fill my car.

Yes, my brain is pudding after some of our lessons and all the new things I’ve been assualted with...

after it all, I’m greatful and excited and blessed to be learning to fly. This was all a dream to me even a couple months ago!! Part of why I am blogging is because I never want to forgot just how unreal all of this seems ...😃😄😁

Answered prayers, the friends I’ve made at the airport, the couple flights I’ve been on that already are so memorable... I’m so thankful for it all.

Even when all I can think about is how badly I need to vomit out the window, and calculating if I can still do the maneuver my CFI wants of me in that moment (Hint: I can’t. also, a Tip: always communicate with your CFI).

It’s also true that I have $$$ saved up from when I first started working, as well as Summer 2016 I worked a lot at PDX in a cafe. I made about $4K and saved it all, because I didn’t do much that Summer at all that was expensive. At the time, it was super lame and I REALLY didn’t like it, but I knew flying would be worth it, I jut had this feeling even though I’d never been up in a commercial flight let alone a small plane. I just knew the saving would be worth it, and so far, it’s well proven to be! So, I’m still making youtube videos, and my first landing practice really didn’t go that badly at all. The 3-4 landing was all completely my own, you can see me ask Steve in excitement: “really?!?”

So far, Landing is my favorite :)

(here’s a pic of me before I bike to my lessons! I’ve got the getup, the pants, sunglasses, gopro mount for my helmet haha. also, please remember that I washed that shirt after I nastily sweated in it, do note):

The chick in the chair in the background is my sister and roommate, Becky! She also is the first PAX (passenger) I took with me and Steve on one of our lessons. Not on my first landing practice, but a couple lessons after (: I think my sister Emmy or brother Nathan want to be the next, I keep telling them to "maybe hold off until I'm done with all my landing practice".. Becky got pretty sick because when we took her I landed at 2 other airports. My first time getting outside the local practice area and pattern! Really fun for me, but not for my backseat sibling. I really am trying to get my landings smoother, but it can be hard when in addition to a new passenger, 2 new airstrips, my CFI had me practice most of my landings with full flaps. Just when my normal landings were getting passable, Steve throws in more challenges. So sorry Becky, if I would have known I would have suggested you come at a later date. Steve and I have an aggressive curriculum, so Steve is always throwing curveballs at me to keep me on my toes (: I actually ended up combining the time Becky came with us with my landing practice, so the video linked below is 2-3 flying lessons crammed in 1 video :)

Now, on a more serious note. “Leaving” the second part to this title. Now to get into the beef of this post (sorry there's just so many good meat analogies I guess).

I don’t talk about it too much in my posts’, but I do think about it everyday. I’m enrolled and accepted to start school in San Diego at the end of August of this year. So far, my hope of getting my PPL before transferring has gone blessedly, (praise Jesus) and I already have all my gen ed/core classes done. I also recently paid my tuition deposit, but despite how (mainly) smoothly it’s all going, I still have uneasiness over it all.

Should I really pursue my Bachelors (expensive) of Aviation (very expensive) in SoCal?

(expensivest thing to do with my life ever basically )

There’s much more to it of course, what God wants vs what I want vs what I need vs what my parents think etc etc etc. For the most part, they are now on board with me moving out. But we all know there’s no feasible way I can afford my schooling, even with FAFSA & the scholarship I won awhile back (remember that?)

But AGAIN, God has given me even more signs. Rent is a big issue. I asked my dad to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact a distant relative we have who lives in Del Mar. This is not near my school, it’s pretty far actually, but I’m desperate if you haven’t noticed. I’m relying on God for everything for this Summer but I’m also trying to do what I can. My dad reluctantly contacted his cousin in AZ whose wife is related to this lady who lives in Del Mar.

I forgot about it, we were waiting for said lady to contact me bc my dad’s cousin in AZ gave her my number. So yeah, now just waiting.

And I'm not using artist's creative licence when I say my dad texted me RIGHT as I was doing my last fuel call of the day.

He said: "hey, Annie (that's her name!!!) wants to text you about you staying with her."

I was so excited, I took a photo of the exact place I was when it all happened:

I finished fueling the plane quickly (and safely), and called Annie as soon as I got off work!

There's still things that need to fall through, I mean she doesn't live near my school so I would need a car which I was NOT planning on having or bringing a car. But Annie said I absolutely cannot bike or take public transport, because of the area she lives and drivers being crazy and the distance just being too far for me to bike.

So despite there still being a lot to sort out, the pieces for me to leave are falling and I kind of just stopped in my tracks the other day and thought to myself: "abbie, you have a loving family, all your friends (all 2 1/2 of them), no debt, ease and convenience and safety here in Portland, and you want to...leave?"

I realize it's stupid and crazy and maybe also dumb.

I know it looks like I'm blinded by the "excitement and adventure" of moving away from my parents and living near the coast in sunny CA, but I got multiple prophecies and signs from God that I shouldn't be "doubting this path".

But baby, is there a LOT to doubt.

God has been and continues to be so good in showing me His care and giving me His peace, without which I would never have made it this far. But leaving my family will be a weird experience, I'll be the first to move from the nest and trust me that's a big deal, our nest has been 14 people for the past 20 some years. The oldest is over 20, the youngest is nearly 7, we all live together in chaotic goodness and jolly joke making. Most days, a dirty kitchen too, but hey, we enjoy each other's company (most times) and a times the dishes do go forgotten!

(speaking of which, my parents were actually out of town the week I did landings and both our upstairs toilet and dishwasher broke, anyway, that's a story for another time! it was like the wild west, we ran out of fruit, milk, and hummus (our staples) on the same day too, so our house was just a mayhem of fruitless simple-sugars-deprived kids and dirty dishes and a cranky toilet. life is wild. )

I've never gotten homesick easily or even at all. I've always loved travel and exploring and anything even remotely related to camping and adventure. I love the sun and being outdoors and flying thus far, so it's not that I'm scared of leaving Portland or even that I won't fit in at San Diego, it's more why leave something good for something that could be not as good, or worse? That's definitely the common and expected reaction, but I also know God cannot give you new things in your life if you don't get rid of the old. I don't mean my family!!!! I meant more as in my habits, way of life here, surroundings, they all will make me grow into adulthood in a certain way. If I leave, San Diego will be different from home in small some big ways. If I want to grow, I got to go.

...........

*brb, making a bookmark and throw cushions with my latest catchphrase*

GO TO GROW, it's so cheesy but it has a lot of truth to it too.

Think of biomes for nature, if you had an awesome childhood like me, one of the only video games you were allowed to play was Zoo Tycoon. On one of the most epic days of my young child career, I had enough money to finally buy Zoo Tycoon 2 (a whopping $30) and I learned a lot from biomes and deciduous vs tropical forests'. that I still draw on knowledge for to this day (yes I'm a trustworthy consultant don't sass me). Anyway, biomes matter. Certain plants can only grow in certain soil, they're not like the hardy dandelion that can grow anywhere, even in between concrete sidewalk cracks. Some plants just *do better* in other soil, not to say my home soil is bad for me, but it's different from if I were to move out and go to school away from Oregon, where I've always grown up in my support system of family and my church etc. I have a lot of quotes about plants that I pin on my pinterest, but I recently saw this one which is funny but also pretty true!

So, Leaving is a big deal. But I'm way more excited than apprehensive for it, because what's not to be excited about? Oh, right, signing a loan. Yes, I am NOT excited for that, talk about signing away your freedom. But God willing, it'll be low interest and able that I can pay off small monthly amounts even while in school. There is so much to still go over before I leave, things I need to make sure my school has before I transfer, things I need to get rid of, fix, buy, or clean, details that may seem minute but that are really important once I'm there.

(like whose iron will I use? I hate ironing, & try to buy clothes that don't even need to be ironed, but still I imagine I'll need an iron once in awhile. & shampoo, I basically don't use it much, but I will need to buy my own toiletries and make sense of just that whole store aisle, as much as it scares me with all it's strawberry/mango/coconut/

bliss/apple/cinnamon/moonshine/ecstasy/delight scented options screaming at me. shopping is hard)

No, leaving does not scare me, but it does confuse me.

As for the 3rd item on my list to talk about, it falls in the same category of "not scared of, but hm, this is kinda weird".

Loneliness is something I'm friendly and - to an extent, - fond of.

My pastor recently spoke on how when God is preparing you to step out in His plan for your life He brings you through a desert. This can be both spiritual and in every other aspect. Jesus, Abraham, Joseph, they all went through deserts. God does this so we learn to SOLELY rely on Him, not our own strength, circumstance, or surroundings. I found it really interesting that my pastor was saying this, because I feel that's me season, desert season!

Oddly enough, not spiritually, but very much emotionally and relationally. Emotional constipation is a thing, and I'm not sure what to do. Not feeling so feely is pretty great and is a needed attribute for a pilot, so I confess I haven't done much to dig into my feelings.

So I'm a little constipated emotionally and don't really talk to anyone anymore, who cares? (hehe get it?)

I suppose I DO think internally "who cares..? why bother people..?" because to a huge degree all my peers my age are getting married, already married, leaving off to college, focusing on their degrees, in serious relationships, or just plain busy. So it's not like I can call someone up and annoy them for 2 hours about my woes of life, most of them are already off to college so they'd be all "ok tbh Abbie you're a little late to the leaving for college band wagon so just get going, you're 20 and most kids head out at 17."

I don't have many woes, and I did forget how to confess my feelings and even identify them because when you don't do it, you forget how. You also forget if it matters or not, it's just so odd because I was the the typical teenage in high school telling her friends EVERYthing and ANYthing, but something in college just forces your nose to the grindstone and you barely look up to breathe, let alone to have a 2 hour conversation with a girlfriend about "feelings". Ask any college student and they'll tell you they don't feel like they have the luxury of feelings, not when they have a paper due at 12 am tonight.

So, constipation, deserts, lonely spacious places. Cute, nice items.

BUT...it's all needed to learn to depend on God more and more, AND to learn to hear His voice more without distractions. I've learnt loneliness has a very bad stigma which makes sense since we're a very social species.

So, "being alone/lonely" means "something is wrong with you" ....right?

But I've realized to a certain degree this is wrong.

My time in the desert has taught me a lot, none of which I know I wouldn't have been able to learn, observe, hear, or absorb while with friends laughing and hanging out:

1. I learnt who I am (more)

2. I learnt who God is (more) 3. I learned to rely only on Him as my best friend and provider 4. I learned what He wants of me (He wants me to want more of Him, so He can continue to guide me, to put it super-simply)

5. I learned what my goals in life are (more)

6. I learned who my true friends are, oddly enough (the ones that stay in touch with you even when you disappear of the face of the earth and genuinely want to be around you etc)

7. I spent a lot of time thinking, creating, and being (in the moment)

Overall, this means I practiced guitar and am learning Romanian better and creating videos for youtube and hitting the gym and just doing hobbies I enjoy. Getting back to my younger self, around 8 years old like I said in my previous post!

Sorry to be a clickbaiter, but the title wasn't meant to put "sad" alongside "Loneliness".

It's just a negative word with a saddish background, but the season has been one of the most eye-opening season yet. And spiritually, I've never been more on fire.

*....well, fire, desert, that makes sense with my analogy I guess haha.*

My pastor also said this about the lonely desert period: "God has to incubate you to grow a dream"

I'm not saying I'm a old wise person that God is preparing to go on some mighty quest, but I am saying I'm getting older and I think God would really appreciate me focusing on Him and depending in Him alone. He does this through deserts. I've learned a lot by being alone and only with Him, things that never would have been realized if I was distracted by other things. Not like other people are "things" or "stuff" or a distraction, just that sometimes, silence is best. How long does this season last? how long do I need to be incubated? I'm not sure, but I think it'll be ending soon.

I feel ready, as ready as I'll ever be :)

(here's my landing video, for those who want to see):