Obey or Hide?

*as a disclaimer, I didn’t fly at all these past 2 weeks due to weather and school trying to get into the swing of things & be on a good schedule! So far so good! But I saw this entry I did in my journal from a year ago & thought it was really good. I’m not saying I’m an enlightened mystical soul, I’m saying I hope this story speaks to someone right now bec I know I got a lot from reading it!*

SAT OCT 7TH 2017  I was reading 1 Samuel 9-11. (working on story of Abigail actually, but didn't have time to take in-depth notes bc work/school every morning so I was supplementing w/brief bursts of reading about king Saul) & what really struck out to me was 9:19-21. first, how often do we secretly wish God would answer us like that in verse 19-21?! I know I sure did with Aviation!! but guess what, He actually really did this Summer!! remember what I said around Jan, where I didn't want to get ahead of myself but I felt like 17 was gonna be my year? more on that later, for sure when I do my Reflecting™ sometime in December! but God has answered my prayers tremendously & doors are opening so easily without me doing anything it's almost spooky! Holy Spirit 👻 anyway I love that part bc Saul only wanted directions to Samuel's house, but not only is he already talking to the prophet (which alone would make me say "wow God thanks for the answered prayer you led me right to them!") but Saul is invited to a prestigious dinner, gets a spot of honor, gets to know all the answers to worries on his heart, and to top it all off, Samuel wraps it up by saying: "oh & hey, your donkeys are fine too, they're just chilling." and how does Saul (us) answer to all this? "Oh but I'm from a small middle class family. I'm unimportant, you've got the wrong person" which is exactly what I've been saying to Gods calling over my life except BIG family haha. on 1 hand, I prayed for this & fasted for it & cried for it. now that it's here, I feel prepared & confident & like I WANT THIS. but I still feel in the wrong bc ...it's not fair I guess? like I told Rae a bit ago, "I feel guilty that I enjoy studying, that I'm excited for my future when so many ppl just are dragging themselves through getting their Bachelors". I tell God: "I'm not the best person for this, I have no funds & faith is pretty low too I'll be honest" but look here, God has opened doors for me anyway. I don't like false modesty (Collete from Ratatouille anyone?) so I'll admit I have had a lot more faith lately. idk what it is, but I'm not stressing over money or how things will work out or even about passing Part 107 soon. I just feel very...capable. and at peace. thank you Jesus. so back to Saul, this guy got more than he bargained for for sure! maybe he was still overwhelmed & processing it all in 10:16, because he doesn't tell his father anything. this also reminded me of me, the biggest things I keep to myself & process. Saul could have told his father right away, but maybe it would have been a sour reaction, his father may have laughed or gotten upset or maybe Saul just really didn't want to be king & hoped the whole thing would go away! which is kinda where we find him later, 10:22. I think if you have social anxiety, or anyone really can relate to this. God calls us to something. R E A L L Y H U G E answering our prayers of "please use me"....but then when He does we're scared & hiding in the storage closet!!! I feel for Saul, what he had just been through the last couple days was pretty insane. did he ever ask to be king? of that I'm not sure! wasn't he at least a bit cocky..being the Tall-est, Dark-est, Handsome-est ... (9:2)? it's so odd, because you think when Samuel was calling Saul out Saul'd leap out huge grin on his face arms spread wide all "king me! crown me now and robe me up man!!! so ready!!" ok maybe not that much since God most likely chose Saul because he had some humility in him, but cmon king over all 12 tribes? and this guy wasn't the least bit excited?? another verse I found interesting is 10:27. specifically at the end. notice how it says "Saul kept silent" again, just like he did before with his dad. was he non-confrontational? idk, he seems to be a pretty good war lord later! was he nervous, scared, insecure? maybe. it's hard to know because wasn't this guy super cocky later in life? but I suppose he was a very different person in the beginning of his kingship. also, I made a blog. WIX, very beautiful design.  

(Hey! Isn’t that cool? This was right around when I made my WIX blog(: and lookit it now, I’ve recorded my Private Pilot journey on it along with overall life experiences and shown even more answered prayers!!)